November je, nekaj čez deveto zvečer in jaz se zgoraj brez grejem s kaloriferčkom. Razmišljam, zdaj že kar nekaj časa, pa vse kar sem ugotovil je to, da sem izgubljen, ravnodušen in brezčuten. Sploh mi ne pristoji in se že nekaj časa poskušam spraviti iz te godlje - življenja brez ???. In to je to vprašanje; kaj so sedaj ti trije vprašaji, najprej so bili cilj, potem je bil smisel, potem je bilo življenje, zdaj je pa ena velika luknja, ki sploh ne vem če se jo trudim oziroma, če jo sploh hočem zapolnit.
Ponovno iščem samega sebe in (tudi) tokrat ne vidim poti, kako se "zbuditi" v naslednjem obdobju. Tega jutra pa ni in ni in po svojem čutim, da bo to morala biti spet velika prelomnica. Na to pa zagotovo še nisem pripravljen.
Danes sem se dvakrat presenetil v pozitivnem smislu, prerastel sem svoj ego in "naredu" pravo stvar in kar mi je še bolj všeč sem čutil, da je tako prav. Sedaj sem se prerastel še tretjič, ker dogodkov ne bom opisal.
In še eno pozitivno presenečenje - menim, da sem popolnoma pretental, poteptal, zavozil ali pa bolje - prerastel eno svojih poglavitnih idej o poteku mojega življenja in na določen način usode. Novo obdobje, definitivno, samo vseeno ga ne čutim tako kot bi moral, ali pač...
Povožen sem, težek dan je za mano, nimam energije in zato grem počasi spat. Jutri bo veselo.
Ko smo ravno pri tem: jutri gremo bratje praznovat Martinovo, tako, da se lahko počasi veselite kakšnega novega prispevka.
Saj dvomim, da je sploh kdo bral ta sestavek (razn Klempota), kaj šele do tega stavka, ravno to pa daje še poseben čar mojemu pisanju.
Bodite v cvetju.
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